Thanks be to God!

I am really blessed. I have to admit it. I’m looking at the bright side of my life. I’m soon turning 19 years old (August 10th). I have a good job. I am getting an education. I have a great family. I have my supportive aunt and uncle. My Grandpa and Grandma (M & R) are great mentors to me. I have a decent car. I have great friends. I am blessed with life.

Although my resume may be filled with quite some good experiences and references, I know there is a whole lot to be put later on. Though for my years of life, I can not complain. I’m blessed beyond compare to have a great job. One of the most rewarding parts of my job is having a satisfied guest. 

Being educated is priority for me. Having the possibility to go to school is quite an advantage and a privilege. Being from a low class family, God has sure opened the doors for me to do so. Next semester I am planning on taking 21 units/

My family is the best! The family that I live with now is a great encouragement. Even my roommate, Beba, she doesn’t even know how much I love her. I consider her maybe like a big sister.. (don’t tell her! hehe). My aunt and uncle are great blessing to my life. I thank them for giving me the opportunity to be able to be there with them. It takes a big heart like theirs to have someone like me in their home. The people I call Grandpa and Grandma are just the greatest! They are beautiful inside and out. Great encouragement. Whenever they see me down, the make sure I go back on the right track.

My friends, oh man, what would I do without them? I’m blessed to have friends that are so comprehensive. I am a complicated person to understand and still they love me!

I’m living life to the best of my ability. I want to take advantage of all the offers that life puts my way, of course by using God’s wisdom. Just take time to think about how blessed you are. Stop looking at the bad stuff… just be thankful for what you got.

Sometimes I want to hide under a huge rock.

Don’t you ever feel like that? The days when you just don’t want to face the world, when you don’t want to face reality. When all you want to do is try to escape life. Not meaning that you don’t want to live life, just meaning that your not quite ready to face it that day. I’ve felt like that in the past. The truth to this matter is; life continues. Yes we all go through hardships, battles, fears, and etc., but eventually those all become motions of the past. When at that time that situation was all your life revolved around and seemed hopeless, has now just become a matter of the past, and sometimes just a laughing mechanism. So don’t allow your current situation to overshadow the way you think about life. Remember what the saying says “Always look in the bright side!”.

My dad is a nomad. Yeah, he moves so much he doesn’t has a mailing address. I don’t blame him.

I love my father so much. I guess there was a point and time where he and I bonded really well. Still do, but there is distance. He is in his own world and I am in mine. Just on new year’s day my father arrived to my town. He lived in Connecticut and said that he would be down to visit. I was excited since I hadn’t seen my father for months. The day came… there he was :skinny, about my height, and hairy. Boy was I happy to see him! Eventually his visit became a permanent stay. Either he would sleep on the couch in the living room or in his 2000 Cadillac Escalade where he would watch T.V. He stayed here for 6 months. There were times when he would just stay in his car sleeping or watching T.V., or just listening to the radio. Later he would wander off the Wal-Mart and just look around. If he wasn’t at Wal-Mart, he would be at the Donut Nation place having some tea.

My father is a quiet man. Days when I would get off work I would call him to see if he was awake. He would answer and would sometimes be having his tea at the donut place. This would be around 11pm. I would go to him and just mingle. Most times we had nothing to talk about. But just knowing that I was with my father, I was happy.

I know he feels lonely. I know he must feel like a failure as well. I wish he knew that he wasn’t. Although he does not support my brother and sister financially he still is a good father. Even though my father is a nomad and is unstable financially, he is still a good man. I hope the best for him, everywhere he goes.

Just a few weeks ago he decided that he was going to New Jersey. His reasons are his business and I do not mind to interfere. I grew accustom to the fact that he was here. I would call him when he wasn’t around. When I would get home from work on the late nights I would see his car and was at peace knowing he was safe. Nights when I didn’t see his car, I would call him and ask where he was. I miss him. First night he was gone, the house felt empty, although it clearly wasn’t. Just not seeing his car made it feel real, he was gone.

I only hope the best for my father where ever he goes. He may not be the ideal role model of a great father to society, but to me he is. I am truly blessed to be his daughter, although not biologically, but surely he is my father.

I love you Dad.

I remember the day when I was sitting outside in the ever-changing San Francisco weather at the Battlecry event that took place in 2006. Ron Luce presented a man that was a representative of Global Expeditions, a missionary program. While this man recounted his experiences, I was just in awe of it all. I wanted to go through the same thing: reaching out to the ones who don’t know about God, regardless of the price to pay.

Later, all I wanted to was be a missionary. I would tell everyone that I was going to be a full time missionary living only on faith. My friends all thought I was crazy. Then it hit me.. I said well if I go on one of the small missionary trips, like the two week ones, then I would decide if that’s what I wanted to do or not. I started talking to the Global Expeditions representatives. Soon I started to talk to my mom. I told her what I wanted to do, I also told her that money was no object, that I would find ways to fund-raise. My mom objected to any idea possible. There went my chance! Eventually my dreams of becoming a missionary faded. There went another dream under the covers, in the bottom of my heart. Becoming a missionary was not even a dream, it was just a fading illusion.

I just finished reading two books that have influenced me even greatly about missions. The first one is called Revolution In World Missions by K.P. Yohannan. This book is quite amazing. It talks about this man’s journey on missions. Its not the tiny few months on missions but the type of mission that takes a lifetime. It’s a really good eye opening book, that will allow you to see missions in a different way. The author is a native from India and has an organization that sponsors native Indian missionaries to go out and preach the gospel to their India. The organization is called Gospel For Asia. It’s an amazing movement that is absolutely giving all the honor to God. I’m already done reading it, if you want to borrow it, let me know! 

I just finished reading a book that my aunt recommended me to read, it’s called The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. Wow! Now this book is something that will shake your world. Its in reality a wake up call to all Christians. Are you an innovator or are you a follower? Are you willing to be living life the way God truly has called you to live?

So as I was reading the Barbarian Way, I knew I couldn’t stay still. I knew that once I started seeing things in a new perspective, my spirit would not let me be in peace.

God has been giving me dreams in the past months. Awkward dreams, may I add. Those dreams have involved Asia. Dreams of all sorts have come my way with ministering in Asia. Now I am praying for God to direct me where He wants me to go. I am willing to go anywhere. I am sure the price to pay is not easy, rather very difficult. I feel called out to that area. My heart feels restless and eager to do the will of God. This time its for reals. This time I want to make it right.

My heart wants to please God. I want to become the slave of God. I know I am called out to reach multitudes for God and nothing will stop me now.

Happy Independence Day America!!

I am glad and blessed to be part of this great country!

Hope you all have a wonderful day spent with your family and friends!

These past few days have been pretty awful. Tuesday and Wednesday were my two days off I had from work and all I can say is that I did not enjoy them. I spent them crying in pain. I feel weird writing about this because it seems like a really insignificant post, but I’ll write about it anyway since it’s the latest on me.

It seems like every month I get worse and worse. Every time I get my menstruation, the weaker I get and the more excruciating my pain is. This time, like once before, I vomited my breakfast. A strong drilling like feeling attacked my stomach and felt like it was just twisting my insides. Its an inexplicable feeling. I cried in bed, knowing there wasn’t much to do about it. I felt pretty much helpless just because my body was against me. The ringing in my ear has become more audible. Meaning due to my anemia my body is reacting to my menstruation. I know I need to take action by going to the doctor… I admit I have been procrastinating. Though now thanks to this last time, I know that two or three days out of the month can not take over my life like this.

So now I’m going to take action! To the doctors I shall goooo!

The one who broke Your heart,

It was me.

The one who broke the promises,

It was me.

The one who said “I love You” but acted against it,

It was me.

The one who had an on and off relationship,

It was me.

The one who came crying to you every time she got hurt,

It was me.

“How many times have I broken Your heart and still You forgave if only I asked.”

The one who wiped my tears,

It is You.

The one who still loved me,

It is You.

The one that took me back,

It is You.

The one saw through me and loved me the same,

It is You.

The one who gave me comfort with holding me in His arms,

It is You.

The one who just cared and listened,

It is You.

Your strong arms hold me with love, my God. God my heart longs to please You, my heart longs to adore You. How many times have I done this to You Lord? Hurt You, made a list of promises, and endless pleas of forgiveness? My heart cries out to You… I am a woman who is endlessly in love with You. I want to make things right.

Ok lets be real.. We all have these types of conversations with the devil. Some of us just think its our mind speaking, or the just the dark side of you, but in reality its satan trying to speak through you.

We have thoughts like this cross our minds many times. Thoughts saying that its ok to do this, or its ok to that. Satan is sneaky so be alert. How many times have we skipped a meal cause well you forgot but in reality it was because you were trying to lose weight. How many times do you think or do something you know you shouldn’t be doing, but you do it anyway? I know I do it often.

Many times we have this same conversation with the devil, like the last post, but few times do we come out victorious. Is it because we are still spiritually weak? Spiritually weak meaning lack of communication with God, lack of wisdom, lack of knowledge (which can be gained through the Bible), and such. Lets try to have less dinners with the devil and more of God as our daily bread and water. 

Me: To look thinner like her would require eating right and exercise.

Devil: There are easier ways! Don’t eat at all. Or just eat and later vomit it out! Simple!

Me: But wouldn’t that be damaging my body?

Devil: Oh no. I mean you wouldn’t be doing it all the time! Just temporarily till you loose the weight.

Me: I don’t know… maybe I’ll just skip a few meals.

Devil: Nothing wrong with that.

Me: I feel so lonely sometimes…

Devil: Why? Don’t you have God?

Me: Of course I do.. but I mean just here around me.

Devil: Well you don’t have to be lonely. There are many men you can meet.

Me: Well they are not really my type but I guess I’ll give it a try.

Devil: It never hurt anyone…

Me: Nobody understands me though, I just want to be out of here.

Devil: Yes it is depressing. There is an easy way out…

Me: How?

Devil: Overdose, accidentally get into a car accident (hehehe), cut yourself till you bleed to death…

Me: At times it doesn’t seem like a bad idea…

Devil: I know you think about it alot, why don’t you just go for it? Nobody will miss you..

Me: Dirty little devil, you think your so smart. There is a purpose for my life and your sneaky little tactics have no effect on me. God is my everything. Bye!

Little girl, you don’t have to be like anyone.

Little girl, your so small growing up in a world that tells you who you should be.

Little girl, look up to the sky and not to the pop stars.

Little girl, your so beautifully made by God.

Little girl please don’t allow people to bring you down.

Little girl just remember to respect your elders.

Little girl, don’t think its alright to be like others. Just be yourself.

Little girl, your not alone, rely on God, He’s on your side.

Little girl, act like a princess, to God you are His princess.

Little girl, don’t let anyone tell you that dreaming is bad.

Little girl, live your childhood as long as you can.

Little girl, playing with Barbies, Dolls, and Beads is not dumb, even if your 15.

Little girl, live, laugh, and love to the fullest.

Little girl cherish you innocence to the with love.

Little girl the way you look is just perfect.

Little girl life is not perfect but it truly is amazing.

Little girl don’t think prince charming doesn’t exist, he will come at the right time.

Little girl remember that there is nothing bad with modesty.

Little girl just know that if you allow God to direct you, you will be just fine.

-To the little girl inside of you that said you were wrong.