Missing Peace

I often stare in the mirror and wonder who I look like the most.

What features were passed down from this man to me? Many times, though I do wonder if he ever thinks about me. & to be honest, I can’t say I have lacked my fatherly love, because I haven’t. For one I have my God who is my ultimate everything, secondly a man who God put into my life as my father, and thirdly my uncle who has also been a strong father figure to me. Therefore I can say that I have been truly blessed with abundant fatherly love. Unfortunately this hasn’t stopped me from wondering about this man.

I have a goal. My goal is to meet this man before I get married. For some reason I feel like this will make me feel complete, more at peace. You see, I think as fast as I talk, I say this because I talk allot. Many people have the stereotype that those who talk don’t think, oh but I think too much. Thoughts cross my mind just as fast as bugs hit your windshield. I want to know this man. I wonder how old are my older siblings, what their names are, and if I have any nieces and nephews already. I know that if I ever get to meet them, things won’t always be the way I pictured it, but at least I would be able to say that I gave it a try.

I stare into the mirror and see bits of my mom’s qualities. The rest I can’t be related. I know it’s me. I know that I am somebody in Christ, yes that is without a doubt, but don’t I have the right to know?

Last time I spoke to my biological father was when I was 11 years old. It was another period of my life where curiosity had set in. He asked how I was doing and offered to pay for my plane ticket so I would visit him in New Jersey. My mom objected. That was the end of it, haven’t heard from him since. I have found myself looking for him online. Phone numbers, address, anything that could trace me to him, and everything has been useless. Though my efforts have been useless, I will not stop looking. I ask God to lead me to him, but maybe it’s not the right time.

Just Live It To The Fullest

As my co-worker was registering the guest in she tells him “Have a goodnight Sir!”. He turns around, gray haired, walking with his cane, hearing aid attached and says “At my age, and fighting cancer for many years, everyday is a goodnight!”.

We should be more like this man. Thankful that we are given another day to live.

Just my thought of the day.

Pursuing Him

I long more of Him.

Friday night I said to myself… “Awesome, I get to sleep in Saturday morning!!”. Since I have been either working or waking up early to go to class I haven’t been able to sleep much. So Saturday morning comes around… it’s 7 am and I’m awake and alert hiding under the covers saying “God not now!!”. He was waking me up! God was saying to me, come on, we need to talk! The more I would refuse, the more alert I would be, the more I really wanted Him.

This is the way I see it…

It’s a relationship. It’s as if your hunny wakes you up in the morning saying “I love You!”, then tickles you ’till your awake. God was tickling my sleep. I gave in! I said ok ok!! I got up, did my bed, showered, then said “God, I’m all yours”. Took out my guitar and played Him my heart. I song has been sung from my soul for a few days now. A song that for me is so deep, so simple yet with such meaning. All it sings is…

A pursurer of Your soul, I have become

A pursurer of Your soul, I have become

I stand In awe of You, Longing for your touch…

I am in the dating stage with God all over again. I am at the part where I want to look pretty for Him (although He see’s my beauty inside and out). I want to impress Him, I want to say the right thing for Him. I want to see more of Him. What is so amazing is that it’s never too much when it comes to God. You can seek Him all you want! You can talk to Him all you want! As opposed to when your really dating a man, there are those limits. Don’t talk too much (especially when you have little minutes on your cell), can’t see him at late hours of the night… But with God you can! Funny though, we don’t take advantage. He is available twenty-four hours a day, just for me! WOW! There is a song from The David Crowder Band names Obsession that just touches my heart. I mean, it’s so amazing, just like the song says… my heart burns for You. My heart wants more of Him, less of me. It has become an obsession. I am more aware of my actions and how that will reflect on my walk with God. This is the one relationship I truly wouldn’t want to mess up in. So many times I have hurt Him, most of them unconsciously. This time I am making sure I get it right.

He is so amazing. My God is all I want, all I need, and truly Everything to me.

Dios, mi corazon late por Ti.

God, my heart beats for You.

You Are His Mona Lisa

 

 

The popular, well known, and highly valued Mona Lisa as we all know was painted by Leonardo Da Vinci during the Italian Renaissance. Da Vinci, was a skilled painter, sculptor, inventor, engineer, musician, and also mastering in many other fields. It is known that Da Vinci worked on this highly acclaimed masterpiece for over 3 years. An expert like him would only know why. To this date the Mona Lisa painting is valued over $600 Million. Such time, devotion, technique, thought, meaning, study, etc was dedicated to this piece. It wouldn’t just take anyone to paint something like this and have a high value, but because Da Vinci was such an expert, the value if this piece is quiet rational. Anyone can create a painting, anyone can scribble on a paper and call it a masterpiece to their eyes, but not everyone knows the technique to a successful masterpiece. There was something that Da Vinci must have known for him to linger on this piece for years.

The art of perfection.

Many times we doubt our existence. We often question the reason we are alive. We doubt the Master. He created us to His image. We were chosen before the creation of the world. In Ephesians 1:4 it says    

         For he chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. (NIV)

Before God, we were already made to His perfection. Before the creation of the world, we were already thought of. God then set us in the perfect timing for His purpose to fulfill in our lives. Just like Da Vinci, it took years for the masterpiece to develop into its real purpose. Eventually, slowly and surely the masterpiece grew in value and fame.

You are the masterpiece of the skillful, professional, and omnipotent creator. Created with such love, purpose, technique, thought, and meaning, You are with no doubt one of God’s greatest masterpieces.

 

You are His Mona Lisa

 

Dating

Soon I will be starting my dating section of my blog.

I will be writing about my stand on dating, thoughts, who I consider possible candidates, and what i look for in a guy. So it’s going to be pretty interesting!

You Gotta Have Faith!

I can’t say I did it all on my own. Everything I have accomplished is because of God. What I have now didn’t come from my own strength and power, but from God. Who I am now is because of God. To this very day, He has shaped me more into His will, because I have allowed Him.

We tend to try to make things happen by our own strength. We feel we are able and powerful enough to do it. Then we fail, which causes us to give up. So we leave that desire, dream, and aspiration in the bottom of our hearts, covered in the very pit of it all. When God has great promises for us, we forget them.

In Joshua 23:14 it says

Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.

What do we have to do on our behalf to allow God’s promises to be fulfilled in our lives? You just gotta have faith baby! He WILL do the rest, just leave it in His hands.

I gotta testify! I mean, I got my job, I finally got my car, I got my school paid for, I got a life! I didn’t do this on my own. God was walking me through it, step by step. All I did was believe!

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday to Mom!

Yes Yes Yes!

Today is my mothers birthday! I’m not with her to spend it with her, for the first year ever. I did send her a present though and of couse she liked it! I love my mom! Regardless of everything that has happened, she is still my mother, the one God gave me. & today is her birthday!

& Happy birthday if it’s your day too!

Beyond the Skin II

My parents never tucked me in at night.

I always dreamed of the “ideal family” when growing up. I would always imagine living in the average house with a white picket fence. Weekend family time like going to the park and playing on the swing set with mom and dad. At times I wanted to have a big sister to show off. Then I would have wanted to have one around to give her all the responsibility that was handed to me. At one point of my life, it was like that. Not as ideally as I thought it would be but just that happy medium.

My father was known at the church like the man of prayer. He prayed restlessly, with such faith. I was around six or seven when this chapter of my life existed. On a regular week day my father would get home and my mom would have dinner ready for him. As soon as he would get home, the family would get together for dinner and gather up and pray for the meal. We would all hold hands around the table and give thanks to God for the blessings He had provided. For me this is one of the most memorable moments I have cherished the most. Unfortunately it soon faded. Our family time didn’t exist. Then soon my parents would eventually hit a regular routine, which was to have an argument and separate for a while. This became so constant that I would miss school often and for long periods of time.

At a young age I was given responsibility. Look after little brother and little sister, even when mom and dad where in the same room. Eventually when both parents would work, I was the full time child sitter. I was only nine years old. Having to deal with a seven and four year old was a hard task. I remember one time trying to cook food for my brother and sister. The kitchen was burning up. Thank God a brother from church came to the house and kept me from burning the house into ashes. Things like that were what I dealt with. Mom would later come home and blame me for not having the house clean or the kids in order.

Around that age I decided that living was not worth all of this. I remember having a friend of my mom’s living with us. She would sleep in my room and I would think that everything I would tell her remained in total confidentially. I was wrong. When I told her that I wanted to die, she told my mother the day after. That’s when my mom got me in trouble for saying such a stupid thing. Just for me at that age, I felt completely overloaded with too much responsibility, too much pressure from my mother.

Something kept me living… though at that time I didn’t know what it was.

Shake it Off!

Life has its up’s, then life has it’s down’s. We learn how to deal with them.

I have learned… to cherish every moment I live. Why?

My life could end right now. I could be in a worse situation, living an awful life, but it all depends how I react to it. I’m learning to say ”Oh Well” and shake it off. If we all try it, our lives would be much easier…

 

Just my thought of the day.

=) 

Smiles

A smile can change a persons day drastically!

You should try it more often it might save someone from themselves. Little do we know how much we can influence a person by our actions and the way we treat them. They maybe at a brink of killing themselves and you will make the difference depending on how you react to them. They may be having a great day, but depending on your mood, you can easily make their day pitiful.

We are called to be the light of the world, how are you doing your part?

I’ll leave you thinking that for tonight, ’till then, have a good one!