Missing Peace

I often stare in the mirror and wonder who I look like the most.

What features were passed down from this man to me? Many times, though I do wonder if he ever thinks about me. & to be honest, I can’t say I have lacked my fatherly love, because I haven’t. For one I have my God who is my ultimate everything, secondly a man who God put into my life as my father, and thirdly my uncle who has also been a strong father figure to me. Therefore I can say that I have been truly blessed with abundant fatherly love. Unfortunately this hasn’t stopped me from wondering about this man.

I have a goal. My goal is to meet this man before I get married. For some reason I feel like this will make me feel complete, more at peace. You see, I think as fast as I talk, I say this because I talk allot. Many people have the stereotype that those who talk don’t think, oh but I think too much. Thoughts cross my mind just as fast as bugs hit your windshield. I want to know this man. I wonder how old are my older siblings, what their names are, and if I have any nieces and nephews already. I know that if I ever get to meet them, things won’t always be the way I pictured it, but at least I would be able to say that I gave it a try.

I stare into the mirror and see bits of my mom’s qualities. The rest I can’t be related. I know it’s me. I know that I am somebody in Christ, yes that is without a doubt, but don’t I have the right to know?

Last time I spoke to my biological father was when I was 11 years old. It was another period of my life where curiosity had set in. He asked how I was doing and offered to pay for my plane ticket so I would visit him in New Jersey. My mom objected. That was the end of it, haven’t heard from him since. I have found myself looking for him online. Phone numbers, address, anything that could trace me to him, and everything has been useless. Though my efforts have been useless, I will not stop looking. I ask God to lead me to him, but maybe it’s not the right time.

Just Live It To The Fullest

As my co-worker was registering the guest in she tells him “Have a goodnight Sir!”. He turns around, gray haired, walking with his cane, hearing aid attached and says “At my age, and fighting cancer for many years, everyday is a goodnight!”.

We should be more like this man. Thankful that we are given another day to live.

Just my thought of the day.