Little Girl

Little girl, you don’t have to be like anyone.

Little girl, your so small growing up in a world that tells you who you should be.

Little girl, look up to the sky and not to the pop stars.

Little girl, your so beautifully made by God.

Little girl please don’t allow people to bring you down.

Little girl just remember to respect your elders.

Little girl, don’t think its alright to be like others. Just be yourself.

Little girl, your not alone, rely on God, He’s on your side.

Little girl, act like a princess, to God you are His princess.

Little girl, don’t let anyone tell you that dreaming is bad.

Little girl, live your childhood as long as you can.

Little girl, playing with Barbies, Dolls, and Beads is not dumb, even if your 15.

Little girl, live, laugh, and love to the fullest.

Little girl cherish you innocence to the with love.

Little girl the way you look is just perfect.

Little girl life is not perfect but it truly is amazing.

Little girl don’t think prince charming doesn’t exist, he will come at the right time.

Little girl remember that there is nothing bad with modesty.

Little girl just know that if you allow God to direct you, you will be just fine.

 

-To the little girl inside of you that said you were wrong.

Summer School Drop Out

So I quit summer school. I dropped out.

Sounds nice doesn’t it? Haa. NOO! There is no way that sounds nice in any way, shape, or form.

I initially had taken a class in the summer because I wanted to get ahead. So I went for the hardest subject… MATH! I really don’t know what I was thinking at the moment but it sounded like a brilliant idea! So I went for it. First day was so so. I felt confident just because the stuff we were reviewing was familiar to me. Days later is when everything went downhill. The material was much harder, my brain wasn’t functioning. I was just lost. Homework here and there, exams almost every other day. I just couldn’t take it. Monday morning came along. I woke up early to do my homework. Getting through one problem itself was nearly impossible. Class started at 8:30 and it was almost 8am. Almost nothing was finished. I had to study for the exam and I really knew nothing about it. I was so pressured that I even started crying. I felt so vunerable about not knowing. Then I said to God, I can’t do this right now. A moment of peace came when I thought of dropping the class. So I called my best friend and cried to her. She heard me out and did not judge me. She said that it was ok. I cried and cried because I felt like a quitter, I felt like I had just not tried hard enough.

The hardest part was having to tell my aunt. Why? Why was it that I was even able to tell my mother, father, best friend, friends, counselors, and etc. but not her? Maybe because she is taking more than two summer classes in a university, higher leveled and more complicated? Maybe because I thought her reaction was going to be mad and upset that I didn’t continue. Maybe because she had encouraged me so much to go to summer school and now I dropped the course. Or maybe because I was trying to measure up like her?

What I can honestly say is that I look up to this lady and she knows it. Yeah I know she is not perfect and we all have our flaws but I look up to her. I felt like I had to be a reflection of her. Follow her steps to be just like her. But I was wrong. I should be a reflection of God. I was doing all this unconciously. I was fooling myself, trying to say it was God who really defined me, but in reality I was allowing others define me. Thats not how it works. Genesis 1:27 says

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him…

I was created to God’s image, not to the image of my aunts. I felt like I was living in the shadow. I know I know for you readers that are just reading this now. You are probably saying how immature of me to think this way… but its me. Its true and now I see what God wanted me to see! I love my aunt. She is a great woman of God, I look up to her because of that. Now I know that I am my own self, I am becoming the woman of God that God has made me to be.

 

I am Simply Me.

No More Dating, I’m Just Waiting

No more dating, I’m just waiting!

Gee, this one is a tough one.

Here goes a little background info on me with dating and relationships-

I have only had one boyfriend. That was from 2006-2007, almost a whole year. Good guy, loves God, funny, smart, a dare I say cute! I ended for the reason that I just felt it wasn’t the right time for a relationship. God kept tugging at my heart about it. I was this type of restlessness in my heart saying that it wasn’t the time yet. So I let go of him.

After that I began to do a little dating. I do have to admit, I dated the battlefield. This is a term my Pastor uses often when dating. The Battlefield are those men who are still not quite well prepared men for God. Men who are still more like boys, to my point of view. So I dated a boy from church, not my type at all but I liked his persistence . He asked me out three times and I turned him down. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I refused by answering to him “What do you like about me? I’m not the usual type of girl you date in the first place! You have seen me in church and know that I am dedicated to God. You on the other part aren’t.” He replied saying that well I’m different than other girls he’s dated and that he likes me being different. He gave it one last shot and asked me out again. This time I accepted. Went out once and came home uninterested.

Second guy I dated was from school. I met him at the college. Pretty cool guy, smart, great style in dressing, wise, and nice. Good guy overall. Went out and had a nice little hang out time but wasn’t quite what I was looking for.

Third guy and most recent guy was well… funny. I mean I guess most women are attracted to funny guys. I was. Though, for a while I would state that I would go for the ugly looking guys cause looks wouldn’t matter to me. This kinda proved me wrong. Looks matter, to a point. That was my turn off.

So… I dated the wrong guys for the wrong reasons. They all lacked one important, very important thing. That was a relationship with God. Duh Betty, what are you thinking!!!? Whenever I date a guy, that is always in back of my mind, but I try to keep it there.

God comes first! All those other things come after. Yes, dating is fun, no doubt about that. But to be honest, I’m not dating for the right reasons. I am not ready for a relationship, though at times I feel like I want one. I am happy single. & like a Spanish saying goes “Mejor sola que mal acompanada.”- Better alone than with bad company.

Its better to wait on God’s time. He has better plans for me, so I know He must have a better man for me too. At this point I am just praying. My ex-boyfriend and I are still good friends and waiting to see whats the next move, that is on God’s hands.

Idling at the Situtation

I’ve tired to hide it. Got to admit I am pretty good at it. Just like nothing happend. Just smile and wave, everything is A ok!

Awkwardness has began to set in. Something really strange happend a few nights ago. The only person that I was to tell was my best friend. Such an awkward situation… left me feeling awful.

I know I didn’t cause this to happen. I know that it wasn’t my fault. But I just don’t know how to feel about this. I don’t know how I should feel. & maybe I’m just over-reacting, but to my point of view, it wasn’t right. I don’t know how to take action upon it since it is very crucial.

I ask God to give me peace in these moments. I feel that this will define alot of what will happen in the future.

She Walked Away

August 18th, 2007-

Its been ten months since I walked away from my house. Every 18th of the month, my mother is reminded of my presence no longer there.

It was 3:30 a.m. when I woke up. Quietly I got up, brushed my teeth, and got ready. Carefully I packed the rest of my bags and moved slowly into the garage. I did my bed, got what was left to take and wrote the short note. “Mom, I’m going to California. I love you and I will call you when I get there. Zuly, Luisito, and Sinai, Love you guys.” And I left my cell phone there.

A friend picked me up, drove up to IHOP with other supportive friends, ate, prayed and got to the Greyhound station. MY supportive friends are all over their 40’s and have kids older than me. They understood my situation and supported me on my decision.

It was hard leaving. Months before all I would do was pray, pray, pray, and pray. God if You don’t want me to leave, then make it impossible for me to go. But God if it’s Your will for me to leave, show me the way. The hardest part was leaving my family. Leaving my little baby sister that I had raised for all these years. Finally day came and I left. My father, friends, and other family members all had agreed on my leaving. They encourage me and understood my situation. Everyone except my mother. She didn’t know. I was scared to tell her I was leaving. The first time I told her the very thought of me wanting to go back to California, she stripped me from my belongings and said that it won’t be easy without her support. I knew that leaving was not the hard part, the hard part was knowing that I would be going off into independence. What kept me going was the fact that I knew God was backing me up 100%.

Things with my mom were never as smooth as the “outsiders” knew. It was time when I said Enough is enough, I can’t take it anymore. I obviously didn’t end up leaving in good terms with my mom. As soon as I arrived to California, I knew I was in safe hands with my uncle and aunt. I fasted for 21 days and was desperate for my mom’s acceptance. She was like I, hurt. She was hard hearted and mad. She had her reasons. Finally the last day of my fast came and I cried out to God saying “God, You said You would make things right! You said that if I left You would deal with my mother! You said to trust in You, and I did, and I have God, but I need this to happen now!” After I cried to the Lord, I felt so bad for demanding God such things at that moment. Though now, I don’t repent. Later that day, my mother calls me crying asking for forgiveness in tears.

 This couldn’t have been greater confirmation from God, that His plan was fulfilling in my life.

Psamls 108

Its amazing to see how God uses us.

This past week, I have been having intense worship. Usually I grab my guitar and play the little notes I know and give God the best I can. Songs that come from my heart are dedicated to my God. In Psalm 108:1 it says “My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul”

Last year my mother had purchased an iPod for me, we ordered it on-line and I decided to have it engraved. I debated what I wanted on it. I knew that I would probably be stuck with that iPod for quite a while, so that meant I would have to be wise with the engraving. Top line I put my nickname “Betty”. Second line was where I was troubled. I wanted something that would define me. I wanted something that would set my iPod apart from others. I looked into the Bible and came across Psalms 108. I felt that was my purpose. My heart sang songs of love to my God without the need of an instrument. My preteen years were filled with songs for Him. Songs of pain, love, sorrow, joy, when God became my everything.

When first came across that verse, I felt as if I had wrote that. As if my soul was destined for that sole purpose to sing and make music of my God. This week God sang me a song this time. A song that touched my heart to the very core and gave me hope.

The songs goes something like this:

You come to Me in shame, with nothing to offer but pain.

Broken hearted you come to Me.

And I will never say no, you are my son who I love.

I will never say no, although you’ve broken My heart.

And I will never say no, you are my son who I love.

I will never say no, to Me your my all, oh yeah…

God is so amazing, the way He speaks through us with such understanding, love, and tenderness.

What song has been put in your heart for Him?

Like Coffee Revives My Body, God Revives My Soul

The wonderful aroma of coffee. So overtaking, sensational, strong, sweet, awakening! Most of you coffee lovers out there must know what I mean! Just so delicious coffee is! It is even more delicious when you have been longing for it there whole day and suddenly walk into a room full of that breath taking smell! Suddenly my senses begin to awake, and my body feels more alert. When I worked for the Department of Revenue, we had a poster on the wall with some cartoons characters that said something like “Coffee is not just a drink, coffee is an emotion!”, and that it is!

Though for some people, the smell of coffee is somewhat agonizing. The smell of coffee gives people the runs sometimes. With even a sip of coffee, the person feels somewhat weakened. Some people cannot even stand the smell because its strong aroma cause it’s just not their taste!

God revives me soul just like coffee revives my body. Does He, like coffee does to me, awaken your senses? Is God so amazing to you that He takes your breath away? Or alternatively, does He weaken you? Where does God stand in your life? What role does He play in your life? To me, God awakens my senses. He has such an overwhelming aroma, that I want more of Him!

What I want to ask you today is what effect does God have in your life?

The Religious, Overly Consevative, Bible Smacking, Nun-Like, Innocent angel-like Girl

I am known as the “religious, overly conservative, Bible smacking, nun-like, virtuous, innocent angel-like” girl to many of my guy friends.

Then it comes up when dating…

Just great! Being overly conservative for my age may be a bad thing, being it that I am young. In the beginning guys ask me out. Depending on my interest, then I decided to date them or not. Or sometimes I just go for it. Last guy I dated was nice. He was smart, to some extent attractive, charismatic, charming, and etc. He had asked me out for a date, due to my schedule, we would have to always re-schedule. Finally we went out for some coffee. Started off nice with great conversation topics. We had many things in common. Our views seemed to be adjacent. Soon I started to tell him about my plans, such as what I liked in a guy and it went downhill from there. Just remembering the scene makes me giggle. Soon after telling him that he starts telling me that I am too conservative and that I dress like an old lady! Laughing out loud! Are you kidding me? A few seconds ago you were like totally interested in me and now since you don’t exactly fit the description, you feel best to insult me! Nice move there buddy! So now we happen to be very good friends, thats all.

My co-workers say this about me quite often “oh the virtuous one!”. There is nothing wrong with being that way at all. I mean to my point of view I feel that it is a good thing to be that way, though there are also limits. Yesterday our staff at work provided a going away party for our manager. I didn’t get to work that day so most of us came dressed without our uniforms. My co-worker brought his adorable two year old daughter in with him and we hung out the whole time. This was the first time I had met this little girl and she would hug me, kiss me, smile and laugh with me. Then my co-worker said “Oh look, you finally have somebody that you can relate to at your innocence level”. It was funny to hear that. I mean once I started to work there, my co-workers said that they would eventually corrupt me. As if! I mean I live in this world but I am not of this world! Therefore I know who I am in Christ.

What I am trying to get at is that many guys who get to know me immediately judge me because of my devotion to God. Though I am will say this… I will not change my beliefs and faith in God to please a guy.

10 Things I Love About Me

Totally a random post. Enjoy!

10. I Love God With All My Heart!

9.  I like the way I make friends very fast and keep them.

8. I love the fact that I can make people laugh with little effort.

7. I like the way I can make a song out of anything.

6. I enjoy learning.

5. I am a thinker as I am a talker.

4. I am happy with my body, curves and everything!

3. I see things differently compared to people my age.

2. I love my nose!

1. I love the people that God put around me!

“I Would Do Anything For Him!”

“I would do anything for him!!”

Those words are said by many people who are in love. People who say that mean it! Moving to the ugliest place in the world for this loved one, would not be so awful because they would be together. Many times people leave their wealth, riches, and/or family for the person they love. This type of love is love with no limits, no boundaries, and no conditions.

Just as many lovers feel this way and say those very words, we have few who say this to our King, Jesus Christ. Those words He longs for you to say to Him are said so carelessly to others. He wants to hear ” God, I would do anything, anything for You!”. Instead we wander off and give our hearts and lives away to people who easily hurt us.

Falling in love is one of the greatest action human can express. Being in love takes one to different levels and allows us to see things with more openness. Though, what God wants to hear from you are those words of passionate love. Words that come from the heart, words that cry out your obsession for Him. Loving God is what brings me happiness and centers my world. He is who makes me complete. My God, I want to fall deeper for You. My heart cries out to You!

You are my everything! My love who completes me.

Today I challenge you. May God be your everything, make Him your first love. Commit yourself to do the unmeasurable for your first love, God.