Summer School Drop Out

So I quit summer school. I dropped out.

Sounds nice doesn’t it? Haa. NOO! There is no way that sounds nice in any way, shape, or form.

I initially had taken a class in the summer because I wanted to get ahead. So I went for the hardest subject… MATH! I really don’t know what I was thinking at the moment but it sounded like a brilliant idea! So I went for it. First day was so so. I felt confident just because the stuff we were reviewing was familiar to me. Days later is when everything went downhill. The material was much harder, my brain wasn’t functioning. I was just lost. Homework here and there, exams almost every other day. I just couldn’t take it. Monday morning came along. I woke up early to do my homework. Getting through one problem itself was nearly impossible. Class started at 8:30 and it was almost 8am. Almost nothing was finished. I had to study for the exam and I really knew nothing about it. I was so pressured that I even started crying. I felt so vunerable about not knowing. Then I said to God, I can’t do this right now. A moment of peace came when I thought of dropping the class. So I called my best friend and cried to her. She heard me out and did not judge me. She said that it was ok. I cried and cried because I felt like a quitter, I felt like I had just not tried hard enough.

The hardest part was having to tell my aunt. Why? Why was it that I was even able to tell my mother, father, best friend, friends, counselors, and etc. but not her? Maybe because she is taking more than two summer classes in a university, higher leveled and more complicated? Maybe because I thought her reaction was going to be mad and upset that I didn’t continue. Maybe because she had encouraged me so much to go to summer school and now I dropped the course. Or maybe because I was trying to measure up like her?

What I can honestly say is that I look up to this lady and she knows it. Yeah I know she is not perfect and we all have our flaws but I look up to her. I felt like I had to be a reflection of her. Follow her steps to be just like her. But I was wrong. I should be a reflection of God. I was doing all this unconciously. I was fooling myself, trying to say it was God who really defined me, but in reality I was allowing others define me. Thats not how it works. Genesis 1:27 says

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him…

I was created to God’s image, not to the image of my aunts. I felt like I was living in the shadow. I know I know for you readers that are just reading this now. You are probably saying how immature of me to think this way… but its me. Its true and now I see what God wanted me to see! I love my aunt. She is a great woman of God, I look up to her because of that. Now I know that I am my own self, I am becoming the woman of God that God has made me to be.

 

I am Simply Me.