His Love Letter to Me

I have never been one of the greatest Bible readers. This meaning that although I can easily tell someone it is an interesting book, I don’t read it as often as I would per say with a Nicholas Sparks books (I devour those). The way I see it is the Bible has every type of genre enclosed. From romance, to action, to history, to “sci-fi”, poems, etc., you name it, it’s in there. Though for some reason my Bible can remain untouched for weeks.

This past Sunday Pastor Doug gave me a great insight of what the Bible is- he called it a Love letter written for me. A love letter written especially for me from my God. Meant to guide me, teach me, and instruct me on how to live the life that He promised me. I never saw it as a lover letter from my Creator.

Its just like the dating stages. You love writes you the first love note, we as girls save it. We read it and re- read it. Save it, frame it sometimes, carry it with us… multiple things we do with that love letter. Now it’s made me think what I have done with my love letter. I have left it on the back seat of my car, left it on the shelves, stacked between old finished read books, sometimes up in the closet.

In the early stages of my relationship with God, at age 12, I would submerge completely in His word. After assuming my responsibilities at home, I would lock myself in my room, praying and reading His love letter to me. I was on fire for Him, I wanted more, and reading the Bible was how I was doing it.

Now, I know I can’t do it on my own. I know that most times I need that little extra push. I’ve been sitting around and waiting for far too long expecting it from others… when in reality it’s been right in my face all along. His love letter. Just like we know that he does everything for a purpose, the Bible too was created for a purpose. I’ve been lingering for His answer to the questions I’ve had, waiting for His say, where His promise has been in my love letter all along.

It’s time I take the stand. It is now the time where I submerge back into my love letter from Him. For He loves me so much, He wrote this guide, named the Bible, to help me remain faithful to Him on my walk of faith.

Sometimes we fail to see the little things of life that are right in front of us. We tend to only want to see the bigger picture, the finished product, or the summed of version of it all, when in reality the joy is in the little things in life.

For I Forgot What Mostly Mattered

Well who am I, I ask myself.

I am the who of whose?

Am I the who of pain and sadness? Or am I the who of joy and laughter? Am I the who who loves nature or am I the who who litters abroad? Am I the who who cares no more or the who who cares for all? “Where is my place?” this who simply asks. Who of the who’s knows what I mean? Where at once you knew who you were but now you’re just a who. A who that wanders through the day simply at play or at least you say. Or I am the who that is defined by circumstance or by weather? I thought it didn’t matter who I was… for I had forgot that what mattered was whose I was.

I am the whose of pain, laughter, bitterness, or sadness? Or am I the whose of nature; the wind, sun, and rain? For I once knew whose I was. For worrying for who or what didn’t matter, but I lost my thoughts along the way. For in the beginning what mattered was Whose I was… and now I remember that I am His.

My God who gave me peace, hope, and my real identity. 

For all those worries I first had were just meaningless and misleading. Cause to His eyes I was His, and that was all that mattered. For what I see in the mirror as a reflection of me is not what truly mattered. The failure who I saw, the sinner, the fool, the reject, and senseless being. I doesn’t matter and it never will.

I am one who belongs to God.

Worship With the Kingdom Kidz!

I have been meaning to write a bit more about my experiences with the Kingdom Kidz. Last night I was mentioning to my pastor how great it has been going.

When I was first offered the opportunity to lead kids worship I was quite open to it but really didn’t know what I had in store. I was excited and honestly didn’t see the challenge in leading worship for kids. I mean… how hard can it be? I was provided with some kid sing along materials. I studied them, tried some dance moves (for those who know me, know that I can’t dance), and looked up ways for kids to enjoy worship. My first Sunday came along… it was awful. Getting the kids as excited as I was, was harder than I thought. Word is that if you don’t get their attention in the first seven seconds, then you have lost them for the entire time. OUCH! I had them lost for days! Then I started to play my guitar with them, eventually wrote a song for them. They liked it for a few Sunday’s but soon got less excited.

I began explaining to them what worship really was. It isn’t just singing a song, clapping, playing an instrument, but worship comes from the heart. In their words “Worship is when you sing to God with all your heart and not just your voice”.

There is one thing about me… I am imperfect in all ways. I am not the best Godly daughter, not the most obedient, but when it comes to worship, no matter where, when, what, or how, I give God my best. The choir, a band, track CD could be playing, regardless, I’ll be worshipping.

What I most desire is to see these kids doing the same. I know its possible. These last two weeks that we have had worship have been the absolute best! We have been using a great worship tool with the kids and they are loving it! We jumped, sang, danced,clapped until we could no more! My hands were almost swollen of all the clapping. We were all sweating cause of the jumping and our voices were almost out due to all the singing and shouting. I hadn’t seen the kids so happy like this before, it was just amazing! Towards the end we all gathered up and asked them if they wanted more. They were all too tired from the great worship, though I had one girl joyfully say she was up for one more.

I can’t wait to see this grow into something greater. To me it’s not exactly about having it grow but more for the kids to get to a deeper relationship with God. Later the focus will be on growth. For now, we have alot of kids to work with and enough time to show them what worship really is.

I just ask you to join me in prayer for this to turn out the way God wants it to be. Let all the honor and glory be to Him!

The One

There is something in my heart, something I want to call love.

There is something in my soul, something I want to call peace.

There is something in my smile, something I want to call joy.

There is something all around me, that is my God.

Before the love, the peace, and the joy, there was hate, havoc, and sorrow.

I met the One who gave me the secrets to a blessed life.

I met the One who understood me the most.

He gave me love, when nobody cared.

My peacemaker, my joy, and my love.

My God.

My Leap of Faith

 It has been over a year since I took this giant leap of faith.

Over a year ago I decided to leave the comfort of home and walk one step closer to my promise. I remember those last few weeks before I left home. I prayed and fasted, asking God to allow His will be done over all; over my life, over the current situation at home, over my future. I asked Him if it was His will for me to leave home to make things so obvious I would understand. I also asked Him that if it wasn’t His will, to close all doors that would allow me to go any further. It wasn’t any clearer than that and that was exactly what He did.

He opened doors that I didn’t expect to have been open. He even spoke to me through my own supervisor at work. God was pushing me. I thought I knew what I was coming to when I left home. I thought I had it all under control and figured out. I had never been so wrong in my entire life like I was then. I arrived to my destination and felt a heavy burden. My heart was filled with weariness, sadness, confusion, and many mixed emotions.

Nonetheless here I am now. With a year behind me I have grown fonder of my first love. This year was full of rollercoaster experiences. Beginning with the death of my friend, fitting in with my new family, restoring wounds with my family back at home, finding a spot for me to serve at the new church, job experiences, education career, and of course new relationships. All this has made me a stronger person to this day. I can say that to each one of those experiences listed above there were tears, struggles, doubts, and finally peace. All these steps took courage but most importantly it required strength from God.

God gave me peace while I mourned the death of my friend. His comforting words of love and wisdom kept me from doubting His purpose in my life. Understanding the reason of why’s and how’s was difficult, but His words simply said “I am the I am”.

Fitting in with my new family was not so hard in the beginning. I was already accustomed living with my aunt and uncle, but I was completely unaccustomed to the new edition of the family, my aunt’s friend. It took some getting used to and a lot of patience. I do admit that I am still working on the process of feeling right at home. There are days when we all seem to fit the perfect family mold. Then there are days when I feel like a complete alien in my own house. I know that I will never feel comfortable again and I am getting used to the idea of that.

Now one of the hardest experiences of the past year was coming to a peaceful relationship with my mother. She, like I, was hurt. Understanding and forgiving was a hard task to do for her. Coming to terms on the issue took time. I fasted for twenty-one days asking God to keep His promise about my mom. The last day of my fast I prayed with such vigor and fervor to God. I was tired of waiting for His response and all I wanted was peace with my mother. That same day my mother calls me in tears apologizing for everything. God never broke His promise to me.

I am a person who loves to serve. Before I had left my comfort zone, I had worked with youth for many years. I was also involved with music. Once I arrived to the new church finding a spot for me to serve was complicated. I had to have a change of heart and a change of mind. I saw things that I didn’t agree on and being open about it didn’t help the situation. Nonetheless I am now an active member and doing the will of God. I am actively serving with the Kingdom Kidz Worship and I am just loving it!

There are many other rollercoaster experiences that I can go into detail but all this is just a reflection of what has happened in this past year. God has given me so much and for that I am very thankful. There are no simple words to express my gratitude towards the Lord. Walking a step closer to God, towards the promise that He has for me is no simple task. It has been a lonely journey for me, the type of journey where I have to find myself and what I stand for. It has been the type of journey where I have had to learn how to stand my ground and know where to draw the line. Also it has been a journey that has taught me to rely solely on God. There soon will be new levels to conquer and new battles to fight, but I know that I can rely on God to get me through it.

When You Feel It You Know…

I love watching people smile! I believe it’s one of my greatest satisfactions when I can get someone to smile or giggle. It’s amazing how much a persons face changes when a smile appears. Often times I see people walk into the hotel with a look of frustration on their faces, perhaps confusion, and without a doubt weariness. I always attempt in trying to make their stay a pleasant one. I do believe that in order to make their stay a pleasant one, it starts at the time of check in. I try to greet them with my best smile, regardless of how I may be feeling that day.

I soon as I get them to smile, I know that I did part of my personal job. I absolutely hate awful customer service! I had my recent experience at my local Jack In the Box a little less than a week ago. I was at the drive thru and the young man only asked how I was doing and I answered good thank you. There was a long silence while I waited for him to take my order. Then he said Oh well what would you like. I made my order and drove on through to the window. His service was completely lacking personality or nonetheless shall I say willingness to even be there. He forgot to hand me my drink and it was too late to tell him when I noticed. So I got off the car and walked in the building. I told another employee that he had forgot to hand me my drink and she simply gave me a cup. No words, no apologies, no nothing.

Awful customer service makes my teeth cringe. I know I can’t make everyone smile, but at least I know I tried. If we all work together as a society by doing our part in making others happy, we would have a better society to live in. Do your part!