Adoption Journey · The Blog

Little Bear Turned Two


I wasn’t present the minute my Little Bear was born. I wasn’t even there later that day, or the next week, or the next month. I didn’t even know he existed until that fateful day in late May when we received the email.

Today, my Little Bear turned two! He has brought so much joy and light into our lives that if I sat here and wrote about it, I’d never be done writing. This little guy surprises me every single day with his strength. It’s like he has Jesus Superpowers flowing within him! I mean, he does have Jesus Superpowers flowing within him (you do too, don’t worry).

These past few days have been days full of reflect-full moments. I’m not going to lie, his birthday is a little bittersweet to me. It’s more sweet than bitter, though! I didn’t meet my Little Bear on his birthday. I wasn’t there when his birth mom kicked and screamed at the doctors. While his birth story is rather traumatic and while I know God intended me to meet Lucas months later instead of his birth day, I can’t help but feel a little sad. My baby didn’t have his mom (either of us) to hold him, kiss him, reassure him that everything would be okay despite being born so tiny and early. My little guy was out in big world alone. Unfortunately, his birth mom wanted nothing to do with him so for three months before we came along, my baby was loved my the incredible nurses in the nicu.

Friends, I want to address something quickly- adoption doesn’t heal all wounds. Adoption gave my husband and I the opportunity to be parents. Adoption gave my son a family. Adoption changed our lives. But adoption comes with big wounds. There is serious loss. Devastating loss. We didn’t have the fairytale happy ending that was open adoption. In a few years, when my son is old enough to care, he’ll ask about his birth family and I’ll only have bits and pieces. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried over that. I know that pain.
I have been there; calling every person on the yellow pages with my birth fathers name and asking “are you my father?”. Adoption was God’s original plan because we were adopted by Him but because we live by free will, adoption means that loss is a huge player in this.

There’s something incredible about those Jesus Superpowers I was talking about earlier though. While the pain of loss may still be there forever, God’s incredible peace and love overfill and over abound in our hearts if we allow it. Today, after giving our Little Bear one-too-many slices of cake and chasing him around our living room, our family just beamed with joy. Our once hopeless hearts now rejoiced at the sound of our baby’s precious laughter and we circled around the couch. There’s no greater love!

Adoption is redemption.

Little Bear, you make this mama incredibly joyful and blessed! Thank you for teaching me to be better, thank you for loving me just as I am, and thank you for showing me a deeper understand of God’s love. Happy second birthday, my baby!



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