The Blog

Now I Have Two


Did I ever tell you about the time when I looked for my biological father but didn’t find him? I looked and I looked and I looked but it never led anywhere. Then I stopped because it was just too much on my heart. So I moved on, got married, adopted a baby, moved across the country because of the military, my dad move in (the one that raised me), and life briefly went on… until…

…My life totally and dramatically changed. Yes, that sounds totally melodramatic but stick around, you might want to inquire about getting me a reality show.

First, my dad fell ill in the hospital the last days of April this year. We didn’t know then that he was in kidney failure. My dad spent two long months in the hospital. During that time my husband and I were preparing for a big life change. He was leaving the Marine Corps after 10 years of service. We didn’t know what life would look like once he was out. He had interviews secured all over the country and the waiting/ stressing game had begun. Where we would go, nobody knew. Meanwhile in the internet world; two college girls with the same last name started following me. It was a little odd. Why would two college girls (sisters, cousins?) have any interest in following a girl like me online? I didn’t put much thought into it until they messaged me.

It read somewhere along the lines of “hi, we know this is weird but we are trying to help our dad find his daughter and we think you might be it”.

I froze. Um? excuse me. WHAT? Follow up question is calm and collected and we starting exchanging some info. Things we adding up, they had some baby pictures (that could be me or an incredibly cute baby that looked like me) and I was shaking. I grabbed my kid, hopped in the car and went running to my husbands job. I showed him the messages and cried. This couldn’t be real. Later that night we talked on the phone. I prayed for them and hoped they’d find this sister if it wasn’t me. Weeks after I get in touch with my “maybe” dad. I find out that he also is living with a critical condition- heart failure. The girls mention they aren’t sure how long he will live as he has been critically ill the last couple of months. My heart sinks. Recently learning that my dad was in kidney failure, I understood the stress and uncertainty that came with this role. I get to know him and I learn from the girls that he’s a wonderful dad.

We order DNA home kits.

We send in our DNA swabs.

We wait.

I pray unsure of what I want other than God’s will.

Then the email arrives. Click here. Log in here. Secret Code here.

99.999997% “Probability of Paternity”

Looks like my biological dad found me.

Suddenly a rush of emotion comes over me. All of those years wondering who he was. Searching high and low. God didn’t intend for me to find him because His plan was better. All of those years imagining how he would be and wondering if his children would even want to know “the other daughter” finally came to realization. God worked everything to be perfect. Sure, the timing seemed so wrong. My dad who was now living with us was now under my care because of his condition, we were moving to who knows where or be homeless if my husband didn’t find a job… But God knew that this was just what I needed.

  
Then God gave my husband a job in Arizona. One of the few places I never thought of going to… Where my biological dad and his family live. I’m telling you, God worked in BIG ways.

So we moved. We packed our home, our dog, our toddler, my dad and we trekked from Georgia to Arizona. I expected to make the best out of a yucky desert. What I didn’t expect was how much we would love it here. The  mountains, the scenery, the weather (on good days, scratch the summer). I met my sisters, my biological dad, his wife and my brother. BTW sibling tally went up from 4 to 7… can we say Mexicans?!

  

  
It has been a bumpy few months but I couldn’t help but finally share the good. I’ve been savoring these moments all to myself with my growing family. I’ve had sleep overs with my sisters, who I actually like (wouldn’t that have been terrible if they were meanies?) and even had my two dads meet.

   
 Lastly, I wanted to share why this is a huge deal for me- Adoption. My dad (the one who raised me) met me at two months old. A man of few words that was raised with parents that didn’t show much affection showed me love the best way he could. He loved me, raised me, cared for me, and changed plenty of dirty diapers. I learned the heart of adoption through him. When I think about my sons birth family, I have nothing but love for them. I long for the day that his birth mom opens up the doors to communication. I will receive her into my family with open arms. I know exactly what it’s like to wonder if we have her/his eyes, smile, hair, or quirks. 26 years later, I finally know and it was well worth it. Now I get to spend these next years getting to know and love two great men- one whom I’ve called dad all my life and the other who I call by his first name for now. It’s all been a wonderful process. 

My life hasn’t been easy but it’s been good. 

 

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