Adoption Journey · Infertility · The Blog

The Baby Clothes Hoarder

I’ve become somewhat of a hoarder. My closets seem to have reached their maximum capacity on stored baby clothes that have no chance of fitting my soon to be 1 year old. I can’t seem to rationalize giving away or selling any of it and I’ve realized I have developed an emotional tie to it.… Continue reading The Baby Clothes Hoarder

Infertility · marriage · The Blog

Forever and Ever

We sat there. Brief silence. Tears trapped. The topic was brought up again. We never know what strikes it. But there it is. Here it is. Silence. This time it was heavier. Thicker. Because his words floated.

“It’s my fault. I feel useless.”

I asked why.

“Because I can’t get you pregnant.”

It stung. I told him it wasn’t his fault. I mentioned his super sperm. I said the truth. It’s my fault and we both know it.

All this time he must’ve been blaming himself even with all the evidence. My heart sank for him.

I guess it got to him. All the judgement we received from the family. All the insensitivity. All the harsh words spilled out by someone he loved got to him. That happy-go-lucky guy that has “the force” with him blamed himself for my infertility. It took me a year to realize it…

Infertility hurts everyone. Wives, be sensitive to your spouses. He may not tell you what’s on his heart. He may not want to hurt you any more than you already are.

Be patient. Be loving. Be real. Be ready to listen.

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My husband and I smile when our friends say our child looks like either one of us. It’s amazing how God works. We are eternally grateful for the blessing to be parents to such a precious baby boy. But there’s always, always, that indescribable feeling that makes me wonder how our biological child would ever look like.

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my beloved

Most importantly, love each other. Infertility hurts marriages. I’ve seen it make you or break you. So I urge you to pray together. Listen to each other. Stop and slow down. Sometimes all you have to do is stop fertility treatments all together. Sometimes all you need is a vacation. Sometimes all you need is some space. But you will ALWAYS need each other. I may be a 23 year old talking to you about marriage, infertility, faith, adoption, and the military and that all may sound silly to you but listen to me when I say this- your marriage will NOT fail if you have God in the center of your marriage.

The_Barrera_Family-96

While you are on whatever journey you travel in life, take a second to refresh, look at your spouse, smile, cry, hug (do whatever you need to do), make sure you are on track with each other and pray together. Sometimes our marriage gets derailed in alignment with God. Life does that. Infertility does that. It leaves us with foggy minds, heavy hearts, and unsure paths. So take a second. Connect with your spouse and get on track with God so whenever life’s tough winds come trying to sweep your through, you are holding hands with no fear of the future.

<3

Remember the vows you made to each other on that special day- “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, as long as we both shall live” and mean it.

Forever and ever.

Faith · Infertility · The Blog

The Love/ Hate Relationship {Thanksgiving 2012}

I have a love/ hate relationship with this time of the year. Specifically Thanksgiving. Gasp! Who in their right mind would have bad feelings towards Thanksgiving? This gal. Right here. *raises hand shamefully* Don’t get me wrong. It has nothing to do with the Thanksgiving Holiday itself and everything to do with what it has… Continue reading The Love/ Hate Relationship {Thanksgiving 2012}

Infertility · The Blog

Carrying Eternity {surpassing the 9 month carriage}

red blood. roaring insides. untamed hormones. infertility. i forgot this condition was existent in my health history.

I wondered why this bothered me so much. I’m a mom now. I have a precious new baby boy. Having a period every month shouldn’t bum me out anymore… right? But it did and it irked me so much that it did.

I rocked my son in the NICU during those days, with my hurting insides and all. The pain seemed less intense when I held him. In fact, in the moment, it even felt minimal.

My husband asked me if this month felt different. He knew how much my heart ached when I’d get my period. I never fully answered his question. I guess this month did feel different… I felt guilty.

I felt guilty for feeling so down about getting my period while having my precious son. I felt that I should be happy, no matter the circumstance, because God has blessed us so greatly with a child.

It’s natural, I’d like to believe. A woman longs for a child to grow within her, to feel him/ her kick, to go through those terrible labor pains just so that she can see the life that was in her for 9 months. Am I wrong?

So, it flowed and I realized my heart still ached. This time it wasn’t to be a mother though, it ached to carry life within.

I’ve realized this… whether you have no children or 10, infertility still hurts.

Women in the Bible mourned such loss for years and the Bible, time after time offers hope to those in similar situations.

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I carry life within. Not a baby. Something greater. I carry Jesus. I carry hope. I carry salvation, redemption, grace, love, truth, mercy. It’s up to me to use it, to spread it, to make sure it is over abundant in my life and those around me. And I realize that He meant for me to carry for now, while my heart aches to carry a child, my spirit dances in Gods presence; I carry eternal life and I want to spread it like wildfire.
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I pray that we all get to know Gods purpose for our lives even when we feel our purpose as a human has failed to meet our own expectations. I pray that men and women who struggle with infertility learn to live and fully enjoy life as we walk through it regardless of the circumstance. If that’s you, I’m praying for you. If you have a special prayer request, you can write it here or email it to valencianb@gmail.com

Adoption Journey · Faith · family · Health · Infertility · The Blog

Passing The Baton {adoption news}

I think my heart might just explode. Yesterday was such a blessing that I’m afraid that today might just be a bust. For those of you who are not my friends on Facebook, I’ve got some news! We are officially approved for the adoption process and have in fact already submitted our homestudy to two… Continue reading Passing The Baton {adoption news}

Faith · Infertility · The Blog

On Mother’s Day and The Crazy Marathon

Mother’s day is the Christmas day for moms all over the world. They get that one day in a year where it’s all about them. The kiddos bring school projects like poems and paper bagged goodies, picked flowers, and odd objects like tea bags and rocks as a gift. It’s a great reminder to all… Continue reading On Mother’s Day and The Crazy Marathon

Adoption Journey · Faith · Infertility · The Blog

When the Doctor Mentions IVF

I had not seen my doctor since late December. He forgot to put a refill on my prescription for my prolactinoma (benign tumor on my pituitary gland) so I simply figured all things we normal. I saw him last Friday. I was excited to show him how much weight I had lost since the last… Continue reading When the Doctor Mentions IVF